It’s weird how they say you forget pregnancy and giving birth quite quick after, both the hard painful parts but also that smog you’re in. I never thought that was true, until now when I have experienced it.
I wanted to write down my feelings for the last couple of weeks, now when little Oliver is finally here with us! Right now when I look at him I wonder how it all happened. He came out of me, I gave him his life. And it’s probably the craziest thing which ever happened in my life, and ever will happen.
The last couple of weeks have been like a roller coaster, ups and downs, happiness together with cries of frustration and pain. But I’m so thankful he is here, with five fingers and toes and a happy grin in his face. Thankful of having the best husband in the world, knowing what to do every time I panic. Thankfull for all the love we have and will give to him, for the rest of our lives.
Back to the pain, the very intensive pain of child birth. Here is a short story if what happened on the night of the 21st of March:
I woke up at 1.30 and needed to pee. Took two steps out of bed and my water broke, like in the movies. Gash, the panic. Konrad was still up (for some reason, he should have slept) and I ran to the toilet when he started cleaning up. Then I called the hospital in Lund, they were full but told me to relax, eat some painkillers and try to sleep. Ten minutes later the contractions started and they started close together straight ahead. And holy moly was that painful. I could not lay down at all. After we had timed the contractions for a while I decided to call another hospital in case we needed to leave earlier. They had lots of space in Ystad and she told me that it will most likely take a while as it’s the first time. I tried so hard to relax and breath through the pain but I was really bad at it, 😉. At the end I had to sit on the Pilates ball in the shower, only thing that helped. Konrad started packing our stuff and fill up cat food and all those things you need to do before you leave. At 4 I called Ystad again and told them that we wanted to come in and that I was in too much pain (I think she smiled a little in the other end of the phone, thinking that I exaggerated too much). When we arrived at 5.15 I could almost not walk from the car and it took forever to get to the door and then up the elevator. The women I talked to on the phone gave us a room and she didn’t want to give me pain relief until she knew how far I was. She placed those readers on my belly to measure baby’s heart rate and my contractions, and it took forever… I just wanted something for the pain. Then when she finally took a look I was eight cm open and she could feel his hair. No wonder I was in pain (I had read this is the most painful part). Anyways, it was too late for all type of pain relief, except laughing gas, so I quickly started breathing in the gas.. And it was so much better! I could concentrate my pain and focus. After this you need to push the baby’s head downwards, so I sat on a Pilates ball again, bouncing up and down with the gas in one hand and Konrad’s hand in the other.
By this time it was 7 o’clock and we had to get new midwifes and doctors as they had a change over from the night shift. 3 women took over and I honestly don’t remember much from this part. I started pushing and all of a sudden he was out, at 7.52. I got him straight on to my chest, something I had asked for. And he was the most beautiful baby in the whole wide world.
He was 51 cm, weighed 3600 grams and had a lot of dark hair.
After I was fixed up (will spare you the details), we got a family room where we spend the next 2,5 days together as a family for the first time. I don’t remember much of this time either, as it was a constant fog in my head. I was feeling vulnerable and in pain, happiness and so much love, everything at once. Konrad had to do everything practical for a couple of days, both for the baby and me! The only thing I could do was to feed Oliver.
Things I wish I knew before (but I wouldn’t have listened anyways!):
– breast feeding is a pain in the beginning (I cried my eyes out for days)
– it’s more than a full time job the first 2 weeks
– you need special clothes for breast feeding, I had none, was not prepared and had to go shopping after 2 weeks
Things that are better after birth:
– you don’t have to pee all the time
– you can start sleeping on the side again
– you can eat stuff again
– with time you get energy and can start enjoying life with a baby
Anyways, this is how I became the mother of Oliver Wilkens. And how I became the most important person in his life, together with Konrad!